Rage Essence #3

Rage essence is back, but before I narrate today's scenario I need to make everyone aware of  The Gamer's Amendment to Murphy's Law.

This amendment is as follows:

Whatever that is inevitably going to go wrong, will go wrong at a time:

1. When it is to be most inconvenient 
2. When it is to be most unexpected
3. When it is to be most disastrous
4. When it will cause the most lulz at the expense of the victim
5. When all of, or a combination of the above conditions is met

To see how this law works in action, I shall use myself as an example.

During the era of my life when I played 1v1 in Starcraft 2, very frequently just prior to my complete curbstomping of my opponent, my internet will decide to conveniently (for the other player) commit hara-kiri for shits and giggles, leading to me losing. 

It was so bad, that it got to the point where I would play a game to the point of winning, and then just shutdown my computer myself instead.

A more extreme example not using games is about a month ago, when just as I was loading up BulletStorm, my harddrive decided it had burned all of its life and would implode, not doubt in a misguided attempt to turn into a black hole and murder the hell out of me. Although I came out with my life, I was left computerless for nearly a week.

The withdrawal took quite a heavy toll on my cognitive functions.

For the sake of this article, I will refer to this law and amendment as Murphy's Faggotry.

On with the rage.

Now, Starcraft is a very old game, and like most old games running on today's computers, it often experiences some "issues"

By issues of course, I am referring to Starcraft's brilliant bit of programming that causes it to invert all the colors on the screen half way through a game.

It's pretty damn annoying really, since it basically makes it impossible to continue playing and forces you to take a loss.

A perfectly good example of Murphy's Faggotry.

The thing with Murphy's Faggotry is that gamers have generally gotten used to it, and when it strike we usually shrug it off with sighs of exasperation, or slowly shaking our fist in the air.

Other responses include head desk, face palm, palm desk followed by head desk, head wall etc. Basically any combination the head and a solid object.

Now at this point I know what you are thinking, and yes you are right.

Rage would also be (although rather overkill and inappropriate) response, but if reading Rage Essence has taught you anything, it is that whenever rage is an overkill and inappropriate response, it is also the best response.

I will reintroduce our usual rager. Who has just been victimized by Murphy's Faggotry in the form of the color inversion screen of hilarity.

Although I was right beside him when this occurred, I only experienced two things, one was out of the corner of my eye I saw a small black object fly by (of which I wrongly assumed to just be a key from a keyboard), the other was I heard a low guttural growl which I correctly assumed was a raging rage roar.

I've since realized that the object was actually a part of a computer mouse. You may be familiar with this device, it has two buttons and a middle scroll (whatever it is that Macs have, it is not a computer mouse). The part that we are going to focus on is neither of those, it is rather the shell of the mouse that you rest your hand on.

The part that I assumed was partially welded on to the bottom.

The fact that he instantaneously removed that piece with one hand signals to me that 1) our rager faps a whole damn lot, and 2) he is not afraid of using that hand to destroy.

The destruction may not have been so clear and heavy, but just the thought of the chaos and havoc that one hand can create in future rages is enough to give me nightmares (that and the fapping).

Think about it kids, one single hand ripped off the entire top of the mouse and flung it across the room. Apply to your face, that is more than enough to cause your inner facial anatomy to be revealed to everyone present.

The moral here is, never let ragers touch you with their hands. God only knows what it can do to you. And what sort of weird ass shit is on it.

-tis Tommy